getting_better

[ He paced his tiny room after her last response trying to convince himself that he's calm, despite the elevated pulse rate, shallow breathing, and uneasy tension in his gut. Or what's commonly known as butterflies in his stomach.

When pacing didn't help Bishop started to obsess over the smallest things, like the tiniest particles of dust on the window sill, the wrinkles on his bed, how the few clothes in his closet were equidistant from each other. He must have cleaned his place at least three times.

When Shiho knocked on the door he was in the middle of cleaning cleaning his guns, one of which was disassembled and laid out a top a cloth. ]

Coming!

[ He rushed to the door, tripping over nothing, before opening it and seeing her. Her efforts to dress herself paid off as his chest tightened and his heart skipped a beat the moment he laid his eyes on her. ]

...A-Ah! Come in.

[ Smooth. Like twenty grit sand paper smooth. ]

[Shiho has to stop herself from staring at him too when he opens the door. It... really has been a while since she'd seen him but even then she can feel her breath catch as the last time they'd met comes crashing back and she blushes.]

Th-Thank you. [She reaches up and tucks a strand of her behind her ear before noticing she's fidgeting and puts her hand back down. Her eyes drift to the cloth on the table, then the gun and she gratefully goes for that as a point of conversation.

No, she's not trying to avoid the subject already, why do you ask??]

You were busy, huh.

[ That blushing is not fair or allowed. It brought back with it the memories of that night, his mind suddenly trying to remember the sensation of her lips.

Focus, Bishop! Focus!

Stop trying to catch more of her scent as she entered, you dolt! ]

Uhhh, n-n-not really.

[ Also please don't notice how needlessly immaculate the place is. ]

Uhh, please have a seat.

[ He gestures to the one bed and the couple of chairs at the table where he was working. ]

Would you like a drink?

[As a psychometer, she can't help but notice how clean this place is. And she also knows exactly how many times it was just cleaned in the past half hour and who had done all the cleaning. Thankfully she's already blushing.

Shiho chooses to sit on the chair because she knows for a fact she would be distracted sitting on his bed, wondering exactly how it might look to him. At least with gun parts in front of her she can somewhat relax.]

J-Just water, thank you. [Because him going to get water gives her time to take a deep breath to prepare without finding her eyes drifting to him.]

[ Quietly he took two glasses, filled it with ice and poured them each a glass of water, though he all that one glass at a time to give himself a moment to prepare. He has no idea what she wants to talk about and that scares him. She's the only person who's managed to get this kind of reaction out of him in a very very long time. Hell, he practically believe he couldn't feel this way for-...wait, no no! This couldn't be "that" feeling!

He took a breath and shook his head to focus his mind. Shiho had something to say and he needed to listen, not drift into the far reaches of his mind. ]

Here you go. [ He says placing the glass before her then taking the other chair. ] So...what did you want to talk about?

[There is only the faintest imprint of his worry on the glass he hands her, but Shiho doesn't look into it, anxious herself of what she'd see.

Instead she holds it tighter, letting the cold glass brace her.]

Thank you.

[Taking a breath to steady herself, she looks down into the water and the ice as she begins to speak.]

I never... told you about my world, right?

[ This conversation suddenly started to sound familiar. He flashed back briefly to the hospital with him and Marie where he confessed certain things about him. It's going to be one of those conversations. ]

No.

[ He listens intently, bracing himself for whatever may come out of her lips next. ]

[This is definitely one of those conversations.]

...Well, where I come from... a portion of the population are born with powers. They're... espers. And have the ability to move things with their minds. Or the ability to... read things from others. Their futures, their pasts, their thoughts....

[She takes a deep breath and doesn't look at him.]

I'm... one of those. When... I touch someone, I can read them.

An esper.

[ There's no sound of disbelief or skepticism in his voice and any feeling or emotion he felt from her confession he doesn't show it. But it is there.

If she can read people from touching them then how much did she see from him? She wasn't surprised when she saw the disassembled gun on the table, could it be she already knows he's an assassin? Does she know about his past?

...That's more horrifying than the day he encountered Fenrir. ]

How far does your reading reach?

[Shiho has a disassembled gun on her own coffee table though. Even regular people have to clean their guns sometimes? (never mind that she's not normal)

Sure he sounds about the same but Shiho's mind does its best to supply tone and expression where there is none. She knows she needs to say this, that the longer she put it off, the worse it would be.

And she also knows that no matter what, she has Kaoru there for her. So this time she looks up to catch his eyes.]

Only as far as I want it to. But... with you, I've only ever looked at your surface thoughts. Nothing else.

[ Their eyes meet and he's quick to appraise them. He found worry, anxiety, a little bit of fear but no dishonesty, something which he should be relieved about but he's not.

How could he be certain she's not just playing him? How can he ascertain her motives without becoming cold and suspicious? How much does she know already and how cunning is she? People who could read thoughts were always a pain in the - oh.

Now he understands. Now he has proof she didn't read him. It was those thoughts he was having that made her worry, that made her stop that night and what worries her today. This...this is her being sincere. Sincere about whatever was between them that night. ]

I see.

[ Bishop paused as he leaned back on his seat with a soft sigh. ]

This is quite the confession, but I get why you wanted to tell me. Thank you.

[Shiho is still holding tight onto the glass of water, reading the manufacturing of the glass itself, the components in the ice, the water, the temperature of the liquid, all while wondering if he really did understand why she wanted to tell him.

Knowing she had to tell him and actually telling him are two very different things and it isn't the first time in her life that she wishes she could project her thoughts to him instead. If she could just tell him without words... surely it would be harder for him to misunderstand. But then again, getting thoughts that weren't yours pushed into your head was likely not much better for a normal person.]

...You're welcome. And... thank you for the water. [She starts to stand, intending to leave.]

Huh?? Wait!

[ He stands too, rushed and panicked, as Bishop reached out and placed a hand on her arm. He didn't want misunderstandings, he didn't want 'thanks for the water' to be the last words between them. ]

We're...We're not done talking yet. Please...

[ He doesn't want Shiho to go, that much is clear, and his head is still swirling with his thoughts, concerns, his realization, and his feelings but struggling to put them into words.

Her power worries him, but not so much that he'll push her away. He's afraid of her finding out about his past, but terrified of her not being in his future. He wants to tell her who he is and what he's done, and just like today, give her the choice if she wants to still see him.

There are so many words and feelings and thoughts racing through his mind that he doesn't know where to begin, but he does know he wants her to stay. ]

Th-There's things I need to tell you too.

[Shiho is already standing by the time he grabs her arm and she looks at him with wide eyes. That turn to his hand on her arm, then back to his face in quick succession. She isn't touching him with her hand so she can't see the swirling emotions inside him but then again there's a lot to see just in his eyes and in the simple fact that he'd reached out for her. And that he'd said "please" like he's afraid she'd leave.

She can't say no to that. She stays, trying not to blush, trying and failing to tell herself not to hope.]

...like what?

[Her voice is softer, more hesitant but after a moment... she does sit back down.]

[ The relief is visible whens Shiho sits though worry is quick to return when takes his seat once more, words being his problems once more. ]

...I'm glad you told me about your power. I have worries about it, I won't hide that but - [ He directs a smile at her. ] - I know that you haven't seen anything, I mean, if you did you'd know that I'm much older than I look! [He chuckles nervously before returning to his somber state. ] And that I'm not completely human...not anymore...There's also things I don't want people to know, bad...bad things....And I trust that you won't go digging for that. I do.

[ He chewed his lower lip and fights to unravel a knot that's formed in his throat. ]

Th-There's things in my past that...that...I-I'm not...I was a soldier, you see and then...[ The knot grew as he looked at his shaking hands and grimaced. Memories that he wants to keep hidden rising briefly to the surface. ]...I-I'm trying to be better and...to do better...

[ The frustration that his words are failing him is clear in everything his does. The furrow of his brow, opening and closing of his hands, scratching his head, physically reaching for the air hoping the right word comes, all while his chest tightened and tightened. ]

[Seeing him so frustrated as he tries to find the words, tries to explain himself makes her heart hurt. But she listens quietly, seriously, letting him take his time.

Sure, she hadn't known he was older than her than she'd first thought. She hadn't known he wasn't human and that he may have done bad things.

But he's trying to be better, to do better... and at the end of the day she wasn't entirely normal or human depending on who you asked. She had done many bad things. She was a bad thing sometimes. Yet here Bishop is, trying to be better and she can sympathize with that. Shiho takes a breath and then extends her hands, still loosely curled closed.]

...As long as I'm not touching you with the palms of my hands, I can't read you. If...If it would help, you can hold onto my hands. I'm not that easy to scare. No matter what... if you're trying to be better, to do better... you deserve a chance.

[ Her words hit him harder than he thought. He'd heard it from others before but this is the first time it affected him this much. ]

Thank you...

[ The temptation to take her hand and let his thoughts and feelings be read by her was real but he knows he shouldn't. He mustn't. He needs to speak the words, let it come from his mouth. ]

I....I'm something between a human and a demon. There's no...simple classification of what I am but the people in my world just decided to label me a shapeshifter. I turn into birds, an eagle owl most often. That's also why my body stopped, or slowed, its aging. Around twenty one or twenty two years old was when I first noticed it...That was twelve or eleven years ago.

[ He'll let her figure out the calculations for his age. ]

[Shiho is still listening, hands still on the table, still quiet and patient....

Even as she does the math and then she can feel herself blush. One hand comes up to cover her mouth while the other stays on the table. She always knew he was older than she was, but to think he was really that much older... her blush spreads to her ears.]

...Oh. [That means... she really, really shouldn't have let him kiss her, right? But even as the thought occurs to her... she knows she would have let him kiss her. Might still let him kiss her now and her blush deepens.]

...This... isn't the part where you tell me you think of me as a little sister and that you want me to... forget everything that happened, right?

No. No I don't I could even if I tried.

[ It's much too late to think of Shiho as anything but a woman. An endearing young woman that makes him feel more alive than he had been in years.

There was still more he wanted to say, but he could feel himself reaching his breaking point. Anymore and he might actually choke and run, and he can't have that. Won't have that. ]

You mentioned "before" last time and stopped short. What where you going to say?

[ He pauses. ]

I think I know what you were going to say but, I didn't want to believe it at the time. Or rather, I didn't know if I should believe it...

[ But oh did he hope. ]

[He didn't think of her like a little sister. Shiho can't keep the smile from her face though the moment he brings up last time, she immediately blushes bright red again.]

L-Last time-

[Okay she knows they had to bring up last time but also why did he bring up last time.]

B-Before we... before we went any... fur..ther... I-If... If we-....

[Why is he making her say this.]

I'd have to touch you, and-... and I don't want you to find out after that I was a psychometer... I don't want... to start this off... with lies.

[None of that was specific but when put on the spot like this, that's the best she can manage.]

[ Last time needed to be brought up even if no one wants to talk about last time since last time was nice and he'd like more of that. ]

...Me neither.

[ He paused, his hand moving closer to hers until his fingers were against hers. The lump in his throat moved down and became a knot in his stomach. He was nervous, more than any time before he went on a mission or before his first time out on the field. ]

If you're okay with stumbling through all that with me, with your powers and my...myriad of issues, then I'd...[ Deep breath now. ] I'd like to see what the future could bring with you...for us.

[Shiho has never felt as nervous as she does when he pauses, when he admits that he didn't want to start this with lies either. It seemed too good to be true, too simple, too precious and she doesn't know how to look at him.

His fingers are within reach, about a breath's distance from hers.]

If... I wasn't okay with it, if I didn't want it... I wouldn't be here. I want to see it too. The kind of future we could have together.

[And with that she very gently links one finger around one of his, barely touching.]

...we started this off sitting a bit far away from each other, huh?

[ The know unwound but he still couldn't relax, how could he? His blood rushed through is veins with relief and excitement. It seemed to good to be true when she spoke those words, he didn't deserve that kind of happiness.

Though, he is also aware that one day he will have to tell her everything, whether he wants to or not. She deserves to know who he really is, and if that future of theirs should be be brief or not. But that's for another day.

He linked another finger around hers then moving closer, a smile tugging on his lips. ]

I guess we did.

[Shiho was willing to wait for him to tell her one day. For now, they could take things one step at a time.

She smiles when he links their fingers together and gently moves to lace their fingers.]

Then... should we fix that? [Shiho moves closer too even though there's still a slight distance between them since they're sitting on separate chairs. But she gets as close as she can, her chair beside his, her arm against his.]

Too bad you don't have a couch, huh?

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