getting_better

[Shiho is still holding tight onto the glass of water, reading the manufacturing of the glass itself, the components in the ice, the water, the temperature of the liquid, all while wondering if he really did understand why she wanted to tell him.

Knowing she had to tell him and actually telling him are two very different things and it isn't the first time in her life that she wishes she could project her thoughts to him instead. If she could just tell him without words... surely it would be harder for him to misunderstand. But then again, getting thoughts that weren't yours pushed into your head was likely not much better for a normal person.]

...You're welcome. And... thank you for the water. [She starts to stand, intending to leave.]

Huh?? Wait!

[ He stands too, rushed and panicked, as Bishop reached out and placed a hand on her arm. He didn't want misunderstandings, he didn't want 'thanks for the water' to be the last words between them. ]

We're...We're not done talking yet. Please...

[ He doesn't want Shiho to go, that much is clear, and his head is still swirling with his thoughts, concerns, his realization, and his feelings but struggling to put them into words.

Her power worries him, but not so much that he'll push her away. He's afraid of her finding out about his past, but terrified of her not being in his future. He wants to tell her who he is and what he's done, and just like today, give her the choice if she wants to still see him.

There are so many words and feelings and thoughts racing through his mind that he doesn't know where to begin, but he does know he wants her to stay. ]

Th-There's things I need to tell you too.

[Shiho is already standing by the time he grabs her arm and she looks at him with wide eyes. That turn to his hand on her arm, then back to his face in quick succession. She isn't touching him with her hand so she can't see the swirling emotions inside him but then again there's a lot to see just in his eyes and in the simple fact that he'd reached out for her. And that he'd said "please" like he's afraid she'd leave.

She can't say no to that. She stays, trying not to blush, trying and failing to tell herself not to hope.]

...like what?

[Her voice is softer, more hesitant but after a moment... she does sit back down.]

[ The relief is visible whens Shiho sits though worry is quick to return when takes his seat once more, words being his problems once more. ]

...I'm glad you told me about your power. I have worries about it, I won't hide that but - [ He directs a smile at her. ] - I know that you haven't seen anything, I mean, if you did you'd know that I'm much older than I look! [He chuckles nervously before returning to his somber state. ] And that I'm not completely human...not anymore...There's also things I don't want people to know, bad...bad things....And I trust that you won't go digging for that. I do.

[ He chewed his lower lip and fights to unravel a knot that's formed in his throat. ]

Th-There's things in my past that...that...I-I'm not...I was a soldier, you see and then...[ The knot grew as he looked at his shaking hands and grimaced. Memories that he wants to keep hidden rising briefly to the surface. ]...I-I'm trying to be better and...to do better...

[ The frustration that his words are failing him is clear in everything his does. The furrow of his brow, opening and closing of his hands, scratching his head, physically reaching for the air hoping the right word comes, all while his chest tightened and tightened. ]

[Seeing him so frustrated as he tries to find the words, tries to explain himself makes her heart hurt. But she listens quietly, seriously, letting him take his time.

Sure, she hadn't known he was older than her than she'd first thought. She hadn't known he wasn't human and that he may have done bad things.

But he's trying to be better, to do better... and at the end of the day she wasn't entirely normal or human depending on who you asked. She had done many bad things. She was a bad thing sometimes. Yet here Bishop is, trying to be better and she can sympathize with that. Shiho takes a breath and then extends her hands, still loosely curled closed.]

...As long as I'm not touching you with the palms of my hands, I can't read you. If...If it would help, you can hold onto my hands. I'm not that easy to scare. No matter what... if you're trying to be better, to do better... you deserve a chance.

[ Her words hit him harder than he thought. He'd heard it from others before but this is the first time it affected him this much. ]

Thank you...

[ The temptation to take her hand and let his thoughts and feelings be read by her was real but he knows he shouldn't. He mustn't. He needs to speak the words, let it come from his mouth. ]

I....I'm something between a human and a demon. There's no...simple classification of what I am but the people in my world just decided to label me a shapeshifter. I turn into birds, an eagle owl most often. That's also why my body stopped, or slowed, its aging. Around twenty one or twenty two years old was when I first noticed it...That was twelve or eleven years ago.

[ He'll let her figure out the calculations for his age. ]

[Shiho is still listening, hands still on the table, still quiet and patient....

Even as she does the math and then she can feel herself blush. One hand comes up to cover her mouth while the other stays on the table. She always knew he was older than she was, but to think he was really that much older... her blush spreads to her ears.]

...Oh. [That means... she really, really shouldn't have let him kiss her, right? But even as the thought occurs to her... she knows she would have let him kiss her. Might still let him kiss her now and her blush deepens.]

...This... isn't the part where you tell me you think of me as a little sister and that you want me to... forget everything that happened, right?

No. No I don't I could even if I tried.

[ It's much too late to think of Shiho as anything but a woman. An endearing young woman that makes him feel more alive than he had been in years.

There was still more he wanted to say, but he could feel himself reaching his breaking point. Anymore and he might actually choke and run, and he can't have that. Won't have that. ]

You mentioned "before" last time and stopped short. What where you going to say?

[ He pauses. ]

I think I know what you were going to say but, I didn't want to believe it at the time. Or rather, I didn't know if I should believe it...

[ But oh did he hope. ]

[He didn't think of her like a little sister. Shiho can't keep the smile from her face though the moment he brings up last time, she immediately blushes bright red again.]

L-Last time-

[Okay she knows they had to bring up last time but also why did he bring up last time.]

B-Before we... before we went any... fur..ther... I-If... If we-....

[Why is he making her say this.]

I'd have to touch you, and-... and I don't want you to find out after that I was a psychometer... I don't want... to start this off... with lies.

[None of that was specific but when put on the spot like this, that's the best she can manage.]

[ Last time needed to be brought up even if no one wants to talk about last time since last time was nice and he'd like more of that. ]

...Me neither.

[ He paused, his hand moving closer to hers until his fingers were against hers. The lump in his throat moved down and became a knot in his stomach. He was nervous, more than any time before he went on a mission or before his first time out on the field. ]

If you're okay with stumbling through all that with me, with your powers and my...myriad of issues, then I'd...[ Deep breath now. ] I'd like to see what the future could bring with you...for us.

[Shiho has never felt as nervous as she does when he pauses, when he admits that he didn't want to start this with lies either. It seemed too good to be true, too simple, too precious and she doesn't know how to look at him.

His fingers are within reach, about a breath's distance from hers.]

If... I wasn't okay with it, if I didn't want it... I wouldn't be here. I want to see it too. The kind of future we could have together.

[And with that she very gently links one finger around one of his, barely touching.]

...we started this off sitting a bit far away from each other, huh?

[ The know unwound but he still couldn't relax, how could he? His blood rushed through is veins with relief and excitement. It seemed to good to be true when she spoke those words, he didn't deserve that kind of happiness.

Though, he is also aware that one day he will have to tell her everything, whether he wants to or not. She deserves to know who he really is, and if that future of theirs should be be brief or not. But that's for another day.

He linked another finger around hers then moving closer, a smile tugging on his lips. ]

I guess we did.

[Shiho was willing to wait for him to tell her one day. For now, they could take things one step at a time.

She smiles when he links their fingers together and gently moves to lace their fingers.]

Then... should we fix that? [Shiho moves closer too even though there's still a slight distance between them since they're sitting on separate chairs. But she gets as close as she can, her chair beside his, her arm against his.]

Too bad you don't have a couch, huh?

[ He chuckled as a smile swept across his face. ]

I swear when I get enough Chroma or demichroma, I am getting a better apartment. One with more space - [ He leaned against her, the familiar sensation of moonlacing slightly more apparent. ] - and a comfy couch.

[ For snuggling and other things. ]

You could also sit on my lap, if you'd like.

[ He says with a grin, half joking and hoping to just tease her a bit. Things got a bit too serious, a little dark for him, and that should all change. ]

[Shiho is tilting her head to tuck it against his shoulder in order to amplify the feelings of moonlacing, happy to snuggle here just like this (though the mention of a couch does sound really nice) when he makes that last statement.

A blush blooms on her cheeks and she peers up at him, aware that he is definitely close enough for her to kiss and knowing through their hand-holding that he's trying to tease her. And definitely succeeding.]

Am I sitting on your lap because there isn't a couch, or are you just trying to get a head-start on making all that Chroma, hm?

[ He chuckles as she blushed and he in turn did too, but not from embarrassment but from the way she look. He raised his other hand and lightly brushed her cheek with his thumb with a bright smile on his face. ]

I actually just wanted to see your other expressions.

[ His assessment: 'Definitely very cute'. ]

[....A smile really does suit him, she thinks as she leans into the touch of his finger on her cheek.

Then he goes and starts thinking that she's cute and while she knows she's cute it's different to hear it directly from him with psychometry. Her heart is definitely beating too fast and she squeezes his hand even as her gaze darts away, flustered.]

Th-That's-!

S-Since when have you been so smooth?

I have my moments.

[ He says with another chuckle while returning the squeeze. ]

You don't like it?

[ And back to the teasing he goes. ]

... I never said that.

[If anything, she's rather weak to his teasing.]

[ 'I'm glad then.' he thinks before quietly leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. At this point, his apprehension to relationships had burst in some places. Perhaps if he were back home things wouldn't have ended up the way they have but, then again, what does he know.

It's like what Chevalier always told him, 'love works in mysterious ways'. Though he always said that before they went to go try and pick up girls so the meaning was a bit lost in translation. ]

[In many ways, Shiho can empathize with those feelings. Of trust, and companionship, of being deeply in a relationship and wanting it to work. She feels her heart thrill a little when he leans in to brush that chaste kiss to her cheek and she blushes.

This is their first kiss now that they'd decided to be honest with each other and more than anything... she wants to answer his honesty. She squeezes his hand then leans close, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek in return then takes it a step further with a kiss to his forehead.]

Edited 2020-05-15 02:55 (UTC)

[ The kiss makes him feel warm and brings a wide smile to his face. These feelings were familiar in a way but alien at the same time. It'd been so long since he felt this way or felt anything for another person, if he could be honest he though that side of him had died so to feel it now is more than just pleasant. It made him hopeful.

He leaned in and kissed her lips gently, no lust or heat, just the simple desire to show how she makes him feel so much. They were just at the starting point now and bound to experience more, feel so much more, and the thought makes him anxious and excited. He almost feels normal again. ]

[The one biggest and most important distinction of their current kisses and what draws Shiho to them and to him is that they are making a conscious choice. Not influenced by the moons and not just because it feels good to kiss. Because they want to.

That is enough to have her giggling as he leans in to kiss her on the lips. The expression in her eyes is soft, her heart luminously warm. She gives his hand a squeeze and steals a quick, affectionate kiss of her own.]

[ He joins in the giggling as Bishop cups her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb before parting their lips and lingers just inches away from her face. There was no whining need to keep their lips locked, no painful incomplete feeling as he pulled away, just beauty and radiance of the moment with her. ]

Shiho...

[ He whispered. He had nothing to say, he just wanted to say her name, feel it roll of his tongue. It's funny how the little things suddenly hold so much meaning and can have such a sway on him. ]

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